– Nov 6 2011 –

more things that happen in my brain.

1. i want to make pretty things, so that “People will like it.” friends suggest that doing it for myself is enough in itself. i’ve self-created mild resistance to making pretty things since i was exposed to the critique of Pretty Art Matching Furniture: held as private possessions of the wealthy. Also, as an outsider i recoil (perhaps defensively) at ‘hipster’ or trendy art. Perhaps it just doesn’t seem to engage issues that i care about, and generalizing i find it mostly does not add to the world in a way i find beneficial. what do i think about beauty???

2. i struggle over not spending too much time doing this art, while wanting to make beautiful and inspiring representations of things. How do i best represent? Collage, sketching, photos, painting? And when do i begin working with abstract? My time is fractured into so many different paths, and i am pulled towards engaging directly with organizing and social change ideas. This morning i wept a few tears wishing for some clear personal path or direction.

3. this is an aiming towards daily practice of making something. in itself this practice helps me to see personal barriers, and most times penetrate them. sometimes while i am working i achieve a present moment flow and absorption which feels beautiful and interconnected. creation of almost every piece involves some (i judge to be negative) internal discussion critiquing content, method, continuity, purpose, value.

4. i really want my work to be supporting and in service to others. does this personal practice help with that? a friend responded that if i am using my gifts, passions and strengths than i am in service. another angle is that i aim to include personal values and lifestyle elements in this work.

5. some pieces i’ve made contain themes i’d like to work with more. this excites me!